I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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