so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
