she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
