You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
