I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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