You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
