Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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