Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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