You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
