highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
