oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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