Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
