Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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