Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His nipple licking is glorious
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