Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
