So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
