yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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