he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
