she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
