pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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