just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
