I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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