I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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