i permit you to call me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
