I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
