I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
