So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
