I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
