Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
