I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
