I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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