ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
