I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
