Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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