omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
