I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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