I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
