dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I checked into jail on foursquare
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
