Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
