Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
