with your own penis?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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