tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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