Michael Bay diarrhea
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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