Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
