YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
