Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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