sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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