That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
