Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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