I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
