i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
