I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was confusing and full of hummus
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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