shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
