It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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