I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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